After about 7 years things start to get old
Nothing’s taken for granted but change is needed
A new leaf needs to turn, stirred up by the wind
Swept away 1000 miles away to a far and distance land
Where the most familiar of faces disappear
I want to long for them, a home to miss
Feel as though I’m stuck in a snowglobe of sand and sun
Tumultuous yet steady
Shit afloat but encaged forever in a glass ball
I feel as though I’m in it and I need out
To shatter this world and enter a foreign place
Where life is easy
And there’s nothing more to smile about than your lover’s grin
Break away from formation and monotony
I need out 

I cannot not tell you everything I have been through and seen.  Adversity has greeted me with his cold and welcoming hand.  This negativity attempts to dictate my life as if with the ebb and flow of the powerful currents..

Concurrently it instills upon me also the very same sense of direction that leads me in the general direction necessary to prevail.  It paints for me a sense of purpose - being lost at sea but having the sun and moon to guide, a rudder, and a set of paddles empowered by a strong body and an even stronger mind.

Waves incessantly crash upon the vessel, striking from all sides, and although I am jostled and set back by the powerful waves and current that meet me time and time again, for as long as the Sun rises in the east, I will have my bearings and am set upon my way - knowing full well that I may be currently lost, this journey will have its appropriate end.

Ain’t got time to dwell on the obstacles
That’s like throwin the game shit’s floppable
Get ya head right if ya tryin to get your bread right
So you wanna fresh pair of stunna shades perfected sight
Makin sure you go hard straight dolomite
Bash em over the head without a fight 
Stunnas stuntin on em like Evil Knievel
Haters runnin on em got my head on a swivel
But people dont take their word anymore no trust
Biggest key to success though its a must
Set your priorities everything falls into the place
That full house kicker on the ace
In the club trying to get my drink on that spades
But society dont want ya to so fuck the rat race
Ain’t got enough time in this life to waste
Cause im tryin to get mine try to keep the pace   

To some degree, we are all racist.  We all form generalizations upon people, we stereotype, define.  We try to define everything because this is human - it is inevitable to some extent.  But people need to be aware that it does exist.  Luckily I’ve been fortunate enough to personally interact with a few females who are honestly and truly colorblind - so I use this beautiful fact to extrapolate the fact that society is moving in the right direction.  

As time goes on we tend to move forward as a civilization, as humanity, as beings capable of extreme levels of rationality - yet clouded with irrationality.  I’ve got white friends who misspeak and say things they shouldn’t say to me that reinforces stereotypes and cultural issues.

One of the major cultural issues that I have with my own culture, being from India, is the fact that the lighter complexion people represent beauty, class, culture, and pretty much every blessing and positive characteristic you can think of.  On the other hand, the darker you are, the more scourge of society you are, the lower class you are, the more uglier you are, and in my friends case and also my family’s case the more “black” I am.  (In my white friends’ defense however, I do enjoy and exercise the liberties of being able to make “stereotypical” jokes)

I go to the pool and beach a lot because I live in Miami.  I go because I enjoy spending time with my friends and to me embracing the Earth, its elements, and to me having a great time is Living.  

This is the lifestyle I choose to live and I must say I thoroughly enjoy breaking these backwards “rules” that exist today in societies and cultures around the world.  I’m anxiously awaiting the day where the entire human population, each and every member the same color - where color doesn’t exist anymore, and it is no longer possible to hold judgment of any degree based upon this color.

The link between failure as ultimately a negative outcome needs to change. 

Society as a whole automatically frowns upon failure or mistakes as something that ultimately needs to be avoided - which is rational to a point, but it should not be feared.  Failure cannot and shouldn’t be considered failure if knowledge is gained.  We learn through failure, without it how can we move forward?

If we can apply this knowledge to future situations and circumstances, “failure” situations shouldn’t occur again.  Failure is only failure if we repeat the exact same mistakes, in the exact same scenario, with the exact same parties involved.  The chances of such a failure occurring over and over again are slim to nil, and should it occur it would be irrational to commit the same actions that lead to failure over and over again.

Short-term perspective dominates long-term in this society.  When you’re faced with trials, tribulations, challenges - pretty much any sort of adversity that challenges your direct being - you learn about yourself.  You learn what you can handle, what you can grasp and wrestle with mentally. If you can suck up your pride at times, do what you need to do to execute to get where you want to be, when all is said and done, and the time has passed:

You will be right where you need to be, with the knowledge you have obtained, making the moves that you need to make, to get to exactly where you need to be.

I want a bike, not a new suv.

I want new headphones, not bluetooth.

I want a DSLR camera, not a new stapler.

I want an iMac, not a new PC.

I want the new MacBook Pro, not a blackberry.

I want a vintage typewriter, not the new Microsoft Word 2011.

I want CS6, not Microsoft Paint.

I want a keyboard, not a keyboard.

I want a synthesizer, not a new calculator.

I want an 808, not a new mousepad.

I want Ableton Live, not the newest mp3 player.

I want Final Cut pro, not windows media player.

I want to travel, not stay put.

I need to trade.

All we want as the social creatures we are is to just be heard.  To someone to be so kind to truly open their ears and their heart.  To welcome you and whatever troubles that may ail you with open arms.  That will not only let you speak but let you finish and not only to listen, but in the most ideal scenario, understand.

Solutions can be fleeting sometimes.  There are so many factors and issues that may cause trouble and unbalance in the human psyche.   Solutions are great, but very rarely to the real problems that present themselves in life is there a perfect, clear-cut solution exists that can not only be discovered but executed perfectly; each step in the right way, at the right instance.  This can be done.

But it’s difficult; much as life can be at times.  These are the times in which the value of friendship becomes one of the most important things in life.  I don’t necessarily believe in organized, human religion, but to be able to mentally convince ourselves as humans that someone out there is listening I believe is invaluable to humanity.  

There’s so much value in trust and real friendships we possess.  Cherish those who will lend an ear, and a brain - who will help and support you, be with you and walk alongside you in your hour of need.

Not everyone has friends; not everyone is blessed much like we are; not everyone can speak; not everyone can hear.  If you can shoulder some of the burdon, why not?  Perhaps this is burdon you take off is what separates a man or woman from depression, from suicide, from breaking a valuable friendship or family connection.  

Most of the time all it takes is a cup of coffee, or maybe a calm voice over the phone, a video-chat or instant message, even a text message.  People have forgotten the power of How are You.  Engage others, really listen to them.  Entice them to open up to you; be open and trust, let others in so that they may help you and in turn you may help them.

So next time you ask How are You, seek to know how they truly are.

It’s easy to go deaf when the static is so loud, where you’re surrounded by deafening noise.  Like staring into a television with the volume super high, paying attention to absolutely nothing - black and white, meaningless moving pictures with no purpose, no plot, no sense, a nearly deafening, shrill noise - not entertaining at all.

I think its human nature to hear and see this life static and to experience it loudly when things don’t go your way, or perhaps the direction you’re taking is unclear and your field of vision clouded by fog and storm. But it can be controlled..the channel can be changed and shut out.

Luckily we all have a compass - this compass is our soul, it’s our being, its exactly what we need.  It merely points in the right direction and its up to the person holding this compass to direct him or herself in the proper direction.  The fog may be dense but you know in your heart that this is the way you were meant to go - that this is exactly where you should and are supposed to be.

Naturally given the static and fog, obstacles will appear out of nowhere…trees, rivers, vast oceans, problems, brick walls, hurdles, other individuals trying to guide you and tell you where youshouldbe going, society, those that care for you and about you yet are not You…

The compass is your faith and patience, it’s your spirit, the trust in yourself and your character, your drive, your perseverance and dedication to reaching exactly where you want to be.  I’ll follow the compass and whatever hindrances that may cross my path I’ll find a way around. 

And once I reach my destination, everything will be right and I will find my peace, and I’ll be able to go back and offer my help to pick up, pull, and guide others who may have once also been lost myself. 

I may be lost now, but I will not be lost forever.

Always stretching out before me

I’ve been on this treacherous path for years

It feels like a lifetime

How I’ve aged, how I’ve grown, learned, and developed

From the deepest valleys, flowing with the tears that I have shed, the sweat that I have dripped, from the blood that has been shed drop by drop

To the mountains, of which I have yet to reach the top

So many mountains

My legs grow weary, not of pain but of pain & depression

I am not myself.  I have walked through the soles of my shoes

My food supply runs low, canteen nearing empty, my mind is beginning to stray

I’m sick and unhealthy, far from well

Samaritans offer help, I am grateful

But they cannot help me

No one can

This is my path, and mine alone; my battle

I’m told what I seek lay just over the horizon, but that horizon has remained unchanged

Challenging every ounce of my being

My fortitude relentlessly challenged, but I know if I just hold out,

Just a little longer

And give just a little bit more of myself, my being

If I can trade away just a little more of my well-being

I think I can make it and reach this coveted point

I think my weary feet can make it

If I can keep this mind steadfast & sane

If I can only conquer this path

Always stretching out before me

It’s dull.  It’s quiet.  It’s too quiet.  The Quiet I speak of is limbo, it’s between death and judgement, It’s purgatory - the same old nothingness over and over.  A vast dark ocean, greater and deeper than the Pacific, with waves as high as the eyes can see - only a speckle of sky and sunlight shines here.

I’m trying to swim faster but this body can only go so fast and so far.  I can only power it so much.  My arms & legs are strong, but they grow weary on this journey, as the mind.

Stress, Apprehension, Anxiousness.  Waiting.  and Waiting for the next move. 
I’m being held back and pulled down.  Deep into the depths of this ocean, downwards towards the ocean floor. 

Darkness.  Quiet.  There is no air.  The only life here you cannot see. It’s deep within the mind.  Every breath here becomes harder. Every stroke and kick requiring nearly all of my energy, as if I’m swimming through tar.

But still, I force myself to persist.  My lungs are burning, my eyes are watering, the arms and legs contesting the very mind to control it, half of the mind battling itself  But still, I persist & move forward, swimming towards something.  I don’t know where.

What if I’m swimming the wrong direction?  Away from surface, light, a real life.  What If I’m descending deeper into darkness?  Society doesn’t want me to win.  It’s an anchor, a ball and chain attached to every appendage forcing me to where it wants me to be.  Any rays of hope are squashed by utter darkness and pressure, crushing and compressing any sort of being.

I wish I could not care because I’ve done this before, I’ve seen the rays.  Light comes through and I’m filled with hope that I’m doing this right, that I know where I am.  I wish there was more…

I am capable of doing anything, but how can I do anything when all I have is standstill and nothing? 

A bleak blandness hanging over my head like a current that just does not move.  It swirls around me, dragging me wherever it wants, trying to trick me into thinking that I am helpless, submissive to its powerful force.

To its dire nature.  To its bleakness, the blandness.  The bare nothingness that surrounds me.  I am enclosed but I cannot stop, I will not stop and I will fight with my entire being.

I will find a way.  I will play god and escape this once and for all.  I will emerge from the depths of despair and limbo.  Rising up like the phoenix, instantaneously vaporizing all of this jet black water into nothingness.  Clearing my path and more importantly clearing the path for others.

As Humans, it’s nearly impossible to not “judge a book by its cover.”  Its natural; it’s how we perceive, recognize, stereotype, and categorize each other as humans.  As time goes on the cover is no longer important and the substance, the pages, that which makes up a person is discovered, understood, and really and fully grasped. 

I feel as though I am always judged.  Growing up I was awkward, shy, small, a loner with no social skills, who had no life outside family, a few friends, playing outside 30 minutes a day and watching one show per day.  I lived this way - introverted, calm, shy - with extremely low self esteem.  I only started gaining confidence and really stepping out of this Indian shell I was trapped in until last semester of senior year of high school.  It was only at this point, once I began working out, joking with other students and teachers, being friendly with everyone, interacting with girls and making new friends, that I really began evolving into the person that I am today.

Today I am the opposite.  I have since matured and grown physically and mentally.  I felt like I’ve seen it all at 24; the heartbreak, financial problems, loss of loved ones, professional and social experiences, women.  Don’t get me wrong I’m still constantly learning and have a long way to go.

One of my focuses in 2012 is learning about myself.  And one of the subjects of personal study I believe has recently culminated in a now friend disliking and actually even using the word “hate” to describer how she previously felt of me.  Now I’m not sure as to why this may be; everyone has the right to make judgments and perceive others based on their own sources of information be it themselves or others.  I’ve experienced these sort of situations before in different contexts.  Other females, ex-girlfriends, friends of friends who have assumed that I’m perhaps a player, a financial exec just looking to make money, a douche, a fratboy who hasnt changed, an egotistical bodybuilder, perhaps someone who cares about himself and having a good time than others. 

But I’m the opposite…I genuinely care for others around me.  I’ve made mistakes in the past but the past is the past.  I’ve been immature and have broken hearts.  I’ve lied, i’ve cheated, I’ve stole.  But those days are behind me.  College is gone and I have moved on to the next chapter of my life. I am self confident, but as you know there’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness.  I believe in myself as well as those I roll with. I am sympathetic and empathetic by nature and can connect emotionally with all of my friends; I feel their pain when they are in pain, their anxiousness when they’re anxious, their happiness when they’re happy.  I believe in Myself and What I Do. 

I seek to understand myself, to develop into the person and business person I aim to be.  I will generate well being for all those around me and be successful.  I will never forget my roots and support all my friends and family along my journey and once I’ve made it, support them then as well.  I will do my part to support philanthropies, service, and the community at large.

I cant control others perception of myself nor will I change to accommodate others’ judgments.  I can do only Me and I know why I’m here.  I’m just here to Live - to appreciate the short time I’ve been given on this Earth, to Laugh, to have Fun, be Loud, be Weird, and to Love Everyone around Me and the Time that I am blessed and able to spend with Them. 

If You’re like Me this is something You have seen trending on Twitter.  And if You’re like Me, which by statistics’ chance You are probably not - You find it frustrating.  I agree, every day is a new day, every year is a fresh start, a chance to start anew; but I don’t agree in the fact that the masses are focusing on just 365.  We’re talking about Life here.  This isn’t a joke!  Life is NOT a 365 Page Book…This is some serious, serious shit! 

Instead of “Page 14 of 365,” it ought to be, god willing, “Page 14 of 36,135” or some other astronomically large number.  Don’t get me wrong, never forget your Short and Medium term.  Cherish and do not take them for granted, but do not let them be your mantras.  True “Success” and Well Being lay with the long term.  Long Term is like that girl you need to marry.  She’s there, waiting for You always, By your side, thick and thin, walking alongside You.  You may take her for granted from time to time, which is innately Human, but You really need to open Your Eyes and Respect, Love, and Cherish that bitch!  When you really understand Long Term, You start recognizing the fact that Short and Medium term are good, but not Great. 

Short and Medium Term are like the girls you just want to fuck.  Sure it’s fun, but leads You to no real positivity Long Term. It ultimately ends and fades quickly into Time.  With Short and Medium Term youre concerned with bills, credit scores, always chasing that dangling piece of cheese,  petty fights with good friends, temper, sadness (depression = prozac, get your drugs if you need but try not to get hooked), and other negative emotions and temporary circumstance.

Long Term is Postiive - it’s where You see Yourself in 15-20-30+ years, being happy and doing something You are proud of and thoroughly enjoy.  It’s happiness, its wealth, its power properly dispersed, philanthropy, service to others, care for the common man.  At least this is what Life has taught me thus far; through a storied 24 years characterized, yet never negatively defined by, by difficulties and adversity in all forms - from the tragic deaths of loved ones to financial hardship (which for the record isn’t even a hardship at all when You can finally put it into Perspective).

Long Term thinking means having a plan.  Knowing exactly who You need to be around (and who you don’t sometimes), what you need to get into, and what the word “successful” means to You.  Great, so you want to be wealthy - You and everyone else’s mom.  You have to find out what you’re passionate about in Life and what You really enjoy doing, understand yourself and then focus on those driving factors (Talents, Natural Abilities, Passions) and feed off of that. 

So if you’re not Happy, Change.  Be Patient and Seek Your Own Happiness. Devise your Long Term Plan, and Be Successful, whatever that word may entail for You. Because just cause Society tells You to operate a certain way, to its specifications and not Yours, does not mean that it’s correct..